When Carol Rumié started dating Lourdes del Castillo, who would later become his wife for more than 50 years in which they had 4 children, 9 grandchildren, and one great-grandchild, Andre´s Rumié, his father, would always tell his only son not to go since it was very dangerous and it was possible for Carol to lose his life. If Lourdes and Carol were going to the theater, Andrés showed Carol some newspaper articles he had saved from long time ago. These newspaper articles had as a title, “The Berlin Theater fell apart and left 73 dead people and other 16 injured” or “Tragic destruction of theater in Oakland causes 112 deaths.
If Andrés Rumié could not persuade his son to stay home, then his second advice was to leave the girl behind and run for his life, in case a tragedy was taking place. Andrés said “Your life is one. Girls? You’ll meet a better one in the street corner while you run out of the theater”. Several years later, sitting at the dinner table, Carol remembered his father’s advices and gave them to his grandchildren.
Carol also got from his dad the intolerance to little children, to noises, to black people, to old people, to ugly people, and to ignorant people. Despite this, Carol had several house workers who shared some of these traits. Rosiris, for example, was both black and ignorant, but deep inside, Carol adored her. She pissed him off daily when she dropped something and the noise it made Carol nervous, or when she flirted with his grandchildren’s bodyguards and forgot to do her work. Rosiris was sincere and honest and also loving, which made her win her boss’ heart. Elvira, on the other hand, was the laziest worker. She left all the work for Rosiris and her only job was cooking. She was too lazy to speak. When you greet her, and ask her a question, she just laughs, but doesn’t speak to you. When she does, you can’t understand her because she is too lazy to pronounce words properly.
Carol was terribly intolerant to old people because he, himself had gotten old and lost all his good looks, which he believed, made him the most handsome boy in the entire planet. He was tall, skinny, blonde, and had blue eyes. He was now old and ugly, and he hated that. He hated watching himself in photographs and in the mirror. One day, Lourdes and Carol were going to an elegant party, so they got dressed up very elegantly, and when they were leaving the house, they stopped in front of the mirror and Lourdes said: “Carol, how handsome we look in these elegant dresses, don’t you think?” “No, Lourdes, we look like iguanas! Everything hangs from us!”
Carol’s wife is the most tolerant old lady in the world. She could her husband’s intolerance and her house workers mistakes or their laziness. She also tolerates the fact that Hannibal, their house guard, loves jumping off moving buses in order to break his leg. It’s a popular hobby, in Cartagena, to misinterpret the traffic signals in order to get killed, which is their goal and happiness. Moto-Taxi drivers love driving at 100 miles per hour so that they can crash with a bus and probably kill themselves, their goal, and their passengers, who at times might be a fat lady holding a chocolate cake with one hand and the motorcycle’s helmet in the other. Other people in Cartagena wait for the traffic light to get to green so that they can cross the street and get hit by a car, meanwhile, taxi drivers, mostly, wait for the traffic light to get to red so that they can accelerate and crash with vehicles coming from the perpendicular street. Pedestrians get killed while crossing from one side to the other side of the street. A dog, not necessarily a trained dog, can cross the street without getting hit by a car.
Carol and Lourdes got married and had 4 children. The oldest is Carol Andrés Rumié del Castillo, Carol Jr. When he was born, Carol was terribly disappointed because Carol Jr. looked ugly, and had dark hair, unlike his father and himself. Andrés, born in Lebanon, loved blonde hair since there were few people in his homeland with that color of hair. Carol and Andrés believed only blonde males were handsome. They had the strong conviction that Carol Jr. was cursed with bad looks for all eternity. Carol said his son looked like a bald rat. A few years later, Carol Rumié would remember the day his oldest son was born, and the disappointment he felt because his son would never have the good looks he had, instead, he would have a rat-like appearance.
After Carol Jr., Maria Margarita de las Mercedes, Jorge Enrique, and Sergio Alfonso were born. These last three were born blonde. As years went by, Jorge’s hair became browner and curlier, and Sergio’s hair fell off. Maria Margarita did stay as blonde as she was as a child, so blonde she was known as Ruby because she was rubia, which is blonde in Spanish. A few years later, Ruby took Maria Margarita de las Mercedes’ place in her ID card and in Ruby’s passport. None of Ruby’s children are blonde, but she did not feel disappointment as her father did because she was not at all obsessed with beauty, as his father did since he believed he was the most beautiful being ever born on Earth.
Carol Jr. the rat-like creature ended up being the most handsome man in all of Cartagena. Everywhere he walked by, people started stuttering and women fainted. When he played basketball, the court got full of cheerleaders supporting him. When he walked across the streets, cars stopped just to see him walk by. Then, Carol Jr. became famous because he was the main character of a commercial of Talco Powder. He was then known all around the country.
The commercial showed Carol Jr. running and sweating, and afterwards, using Talco Powder around his chest. Then, watching the commercial, and the popularity amongst the women his oldest son had gained, Carol Rumié remembered that disappointment he felt at the room were his son was born.
Jorge Enrique, Kike, was also very popular amongst the women. He brought a new girlfriend home and introduced her to his parents every month. Lourdes, who after being very strict, harsh and cruel to his children when they were small, had left the cruelty behind and become a loving lady for the rest of her life, fell in love with all of Kike’s girlfriends and was badly harmed with the breakups. Carol Rumié forbid Kike of introducing his girlfriends to the family. The only one he could introduce was his fiancée a month before the wedding. But it was not Kike who introduced his fiancée to his dad, it was a nail polisher.
Leila Gonzales, Kike’s wife, was dating Kike, and she did not know Kike’s parents. She only knew that Carol Rumié was tall, blonde, good looking, handsome, and loved cursing about everything and saying things were Japanese. One day, Carol went to the barber shop to cut his hair, wearing the same shirt he was wearing the time when his friend Antonio Rodriguez challenged his brother, Juan Rodriguez, to a gun duel over their farm, and Leila was sitting with the nail polisher. Leila has a Brazilian look, and when Carol Rumié saw her, he tried to make her fall in love with him, despite the fact he was married to Lourdes del Castillo. So Carol Rumié started to converse with Leila. He flirted, and Leila flirted back. Leila started wondering, who in the world was this good looking old guy who was flirting with her. When the nail polishing and the haircut was done, Carol offered Leila a drive home, which she accepted, and as they were going out o the barber shop, it started to rain. “Damn it, where did this Japanese rain come from?” Carol said, and immediately, it hit her head, the old man was his boyfriend’s father. He was tall blonde, good looking, cursed about everything, and called thing to be Japanese. Leila told this to Carol, whose reaction was moving his head from left to right and saying: “Pa’l pelaito!” which really meant: “How the hell did Kike get such a handsome girl?”
Sergio was the shyest of the family. When he was a baby, he was raised by his maternal grandparents, Nicolas del Castillo and Honorina Mathieu because his parents and brothers were living in Baltimore. Because of this, Nicolas del Castillo gave his factory, Nicastillo, to Sergio when he grew up. When his brothers and parents moved back from Baltimore, Sergio, who was the youngest, had to find a way to defend himself of his brothers, as Ruby did. Ruby’s strategy was to throw rocks at them. Kike had the longest repertoire of bad words and insults in the world. One day, he tried to write them all down and he already had filled 604 pages. This immense repertoire was used by Kike as a defense from his older brother Carol. Meanwhile, Sergio used knives to defend himself. Every day, he got home with a new knife he bought. Sergio possesses the biggest arsenal of knives in all of Cartagena.
Ruby met Fernando Araújo. They started dating and in a month, they got married. Meanwhile, Ruby’s good friend Gretel Gerdts was dating Fernando’s brother, Gerardo, for about a thousand years, and still, they had not gotten married. Fernando was a hard worker with great discipline and magnificent values. Fernando and Ruby had four male children. According to their pact, if their children were boys, Fernando was in charge of naming them, and the contrary would happen if their children were girls.
When their oldest son was born, after seeing the world’s light for the first time, he greeted the doctor helping his mother give birth and said: “Hello Dr. nice to meet you, I am Luis Ernesto Araújo, and I am going to be Colombia’s President.” Fernando was so glad he jumped up and down in the hospital as if he had scored a touchdown or a goal.
Ever since Luis Ernesto was born, he loved being dressed in smoking. He walked around his house in smoking, he went to sleep in smoking, and he went to the park with his maid, which he would later reconstruct, in smoking. Meanwhile, his new brother was born. Fernando Nicolas was the name chosen by Fernando Araújo this time for his newborn. Fernando Nicolas was a beautiful baby with reddish hair. He was born at a doctor’s office where his uncle, Carol Rumié, was waiting to teach him insults and bad words. A few years later, Fernando would teach those bad words to his youngest brother Manuel, who turned out to be the worst spoken of the four.
Vallenato is a type of music that is mostly heard by townsmen and working class people, and by Fernando Nicolas Araújo Rumié. He loved this music and, Luis Ernesto, instead, loved the most elegant and refined music, opera. These two older brothers contrasted in almost every way. Fernando Nicolas loved black color, Luis Ernesto loved white, Fernando Nicolas loved the farm and horses, Luis Ernesto loved the opposite. They had lots of disputes and fights at home because they always disagreed in what to watch on TV, and it was hard for them to share. So, when they were about 11 and 8, approximately, they signed a contract which imposed several laws, written by them, which both of them had to follow.
By that time, Sergio Alejandro had already been born, and Manuel Santiago, the youngest, was on its way. They had moved to the building built by Fernando, right in front of Carol and Lourdes’ house. When Manuel was born, he got inches close of being taken by the family giving birth next to Ruby, since the nurses got confused and almost switched the babies around like what happened to the Storr family, who a few years later, they would discover with a DNA test that her real son had gone to their maid’s family, and their maid’s son was being raised by them. This story became very famous and TV Channels in Colombia made TV Shows based on that story.
Manuel had been born as a huge baby, and before he could even walk, he was already kicking the soccer ball. He then learned to talk and developed a deep voice which his cousins mocked as young kids. When Manuel was a little baby, he got all the attention from his parents and his older brother Fernando and Luis, which made Sergio very jealous. Because of these, Sergio did not treat Manuel well when his parents were not around. When their parents were near, Sergio would ask Manuel “Who is the cutest baby in the world? You!” But when their parents left the scene, Sergio said: “Get away from me you fat son of a bitch!”
Manuel had the most awful language as a baby. He said people had faces with the resemblance of a male reproductive organ, and he always asked people to smell his own behind. He had learned all of this because he had two great masters, Carol Andrés Rumié and Fernando Nicolas Araújo, and because he was a great student.
By that time, it was already a family custom for them to cross the street and have lunch, on Sundays, at Lourdes’ house with their aunts, uncles, and cousins. They all sat at the dinner table and every once in a while, Carol would remember his father’s advices and the tragedies shown in the newspapers, and give the same advice to his grandchildren not to go to a friend’s house, or to play football, or to play soccer, or to the island, the beach, or the farm.
Carol had nothing to do during weekdays and waited all week for Sunday, when his family members came by to eat lunch and hear him speak about different stories of childhood and adulthood. During the week, Carol got very grumpy when Lourdes’ girl friends came to his house to hear Lourdes’ lecture on History of Modern Art. He hated all of these old ladies that walked around his house. He said one of them had gone through so many surgeries to stretch her face and look younger, that she had to lie on her back in order to use the bathroom since she was so stretched that she could no longer perform that action while sitting.
There was also this friend whose breath stunk. Carol described it as the smell of a public restroom’s toilet. In fact, Carol said that the mouth of that friend was a public restroom’s toilet, and that, every once in a while, he had to pull the string and her mouth starter wobbling for a few seconds, and afterwards, the smell remained.
Carol’s happiest day of the week was Friday, when he got together with his own friends and attended a Dancing Picnic, as he called these parties. It is a mystery of what is done in these Dancing Picnics, since Carol has always refused to invite anyone to attend and always refuses to tell what went on, but it is certain that they drink a lot of whisky at those Dancing Picnics.
After a while, Fernando and Ruby got divorced and Luis Ernesto graduated from school. Then, a few years later, Fernando got remarried and then, before he could even make it to 4 months being married, he got kidnapped by the FARC. Fernando had been Minister of Development, and a few years later, he would become Minister of Foreign Affairs of Colombia.
This was a terrible shock for the whole family and it required a lot of unity and strength to overcome this difficult moments. Fernando Nicolas, who was still at school, became a sort of a father for Manuel Santiago, who had not even made his first communion and was only nine years old. Fernando’s kidnap lasted for six years, in which the family grew stronger and even Fernando, held by guerrilla members in the middle of a massive and vast jungle, became stronger and more intelligent. So strong and intelligent that a few months after he escaped from the FARC, that time’s president, President Uribe, offered him to take the office of Minister of Foreign Affairs of the Republic of Colombia. During those 6 years, Fernando Nicolas and Sergio graduated from school, Luis Ernesto graduated from the university, and Manuel had a child and lived in Santiago de Chile.
Manuel’s son was named Santiago José Araújo Puellovisbal (a mixture of Puello and Visbal, both of the mother’s last names). Santiago was one more of the clan. He loved horses and vallenato like his uncle, Fernando, his physical resemblance to his dad was amazing, he had Luis Ernesto’s curly hair, and Sergio’s big tummy and ability to make people laugh as a baby. Sergio was the funniest baby in the world who ate bread like a madman, and like Santiago, who was always asking people for bread and Coca-Cola. Santiago was a miniature of his dad and of his uncles.
Sometimes, Lourdes took his great grandson to her house for Sunday lunches. Carol got really frustrated because he wanted to get people’s attention which was focused on the baby. Once, Carol said he was going to decide whether the baby stayed, or he stayed, by voting. Everyone told him not to do so since he would lose the race, so he answered: “Not if Rosiris and Elvira vote.” Everyone laughed since they knew Carol would lose even worse if these two women voted. He refused to do the race and he had to share attention with his great grandson, something he was not used to since he had always being a only child.
lunes, 9 de junio de 2008
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